Build on common ground

Say exactly what to do and how to do it.


  • So what you are saying is that you want to involve more people. I share that interest. As well as that, I have limitations in time and budget. Let’s see how we can combine these things.
  • If I understand correctly your quality is important to you. I share this interest. My interest along with that is respecting the deadline. Let’s look for a solution which combines these interests.

Deactivating and staying on the WE-side

Leary’s Rose

In Leary’s Rose, this is the perfect way to keep someone with good ideas, which are for example not feasible at that moment, on the We-side. It is a slightly de-activating technique, but it avoids pushing the other (back) to the I-side.

Respecting SCARF (status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, fairness) leads to ownership, identification and recognition.

By looking for a win/win solution you are respecting status and autonomy (you respect the interest behind the solution), fairness (you take into account the interest of both “parties”) and relatedness (because you give a strong message that you are willing to work with the other).